Emotional Breakdown

Yesterday, I had 3 emotional breakdowns. There isn't a real reason why. I just felt like the world was coming down on me. There was no holding back the tears, the tears wouldn't stop flowing down my cheeks no matter how hard I tried. And then I realized people who love you are always close to you, when they whisper rather than finding out for yourself. I also realized, people care. It may seem that someone would not care about you by their actions, like when they're worried about you. Especially when I hate it when people give me pity, they wanted to not show it, but they freaked when I neared them unexpectedly. It took me a day to figure this out. People care, people actually care for me. I don't feel so alone, I don't. But my parents make me feel worse. I don't do anything to please them, everything I do, everything I say, it's like I shouldn't talk to them anymore. It's like I'm wasting my breath, just trying to please them in vain. Two bruises on my legs, does it show love or does it show hate? I don't understand.

Something else has plagued me for 2 years. Take a risk , make a change ? I give people advice about taking risks, yet I still can't tell myself to make a risk. I don't know if I should. All these years of lying to everyone who asks: do you still like him? " Can't stop, won't stop, I must be dreaming." - The Maine
I want to take the risk, but I'm afraid of rejection, afraid of everyone bothering me, everyone telling me I'm not good enough. What are the chances he still likes me? He thinks of me as a friend now, but I want to be more. Too scared, off the " cold " exterior I put up. A total wimp when it comes to confessions, I'd do dares. I wouldn't care. Right now, I feel weak, that I can't bring myself to say so. Admit it, it's going to be my last chance this year. It's now or never. I might end up regretting the decision. I want you back, I want him back. My friends relationship, reminds me of him, all the memories. All I do in science, a class with him, is reminiscence about me and him. I can't help it. As much as I want them to go away, I can't make it go. Every song, every story I read reminds me of him, I'm in denial.
Come back .