Why Do I Feel So Empty?

I don't know exactly why I feel empty. I feel that I'm just being plain annoying. Like I can't even explain it. I have everything I basically want. So why am I still empty? I have 2 main best friends. Alison and Minhthy. I still can't help but feel third wheel around them. But they've been friends way longer than I have. It gives them reason. I still feel the pang of jealousy when Alison calls Minhthy her "bestfriendsinthewholewideworld." How it hurts. I know I shouldnyt be concerned about something stupid like this. But, man. It hurts. The little ache behind my left ribs. The small throbbing feeling I ignore. The deep feeling of regret, regret that I didn't talk to them sooner. That I've spent 7 years seeing them every Saturday. But no, I didn't hang out with them. I thought they were uncool. And I was the shit. I was so wrong. I look at both of them now, I think. Wow, I'm so lame, how did those two become so cool.

To top it off, I asked Minhthy if she wanted to go help out at the performance at Dynasty. And she said she didn't want to, of course I wanted to. But I told her I would only go if everyone else does. She said I was a follower, and that was okay because she was a follower too. That didn't make me happy at all. Just when I thought that I'd finally steered awat free from majority and being different, she made me realize. She made me realize that I am a follower. I no longer have a B+ in originality. I am the same, I do not make my own choices, I follow others. I may dress the same as others, but I thought I tried to put a different twist to it. I guess, I'm not original as it seems. I think I need to try harder.

The only reason I don't do things on my own anymore, is the fact that I've always hated being alone. I've always and utterly hated being the odd one out. I hated being left out, I loathe being so lonely. All in all, maybe I should do a new reinvention of Sarah Nguyen. I will reanimate myself to try and be different from everybody else, in my own special way. Wish me luck my non-existent readers. Wish me luck.